I’m really bummed out, being an atheist & nonbeliever in reincarnation or any other afterlife, that I’ll miss out on being able to say “I told you so!” to all the believers.

News bulletins! Recent Islamic suicide terrorists are been denied access to their promised heaven because heaven has run out of virgins, & routing in the afterlife has been changed due to overflow crowds in hell. All sinners are now being sent to Florida & Texas. If this doesn’t scare the piss out of sinners still strutting their stuff on earth, nothing will. Even I, an atheist, am learning to pray to at least avoid the horrors of Florida or Texas. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa–please not Florida or Texas!

The reason things have not been going very well for me is because I don’t believe in god. S/he/it knows, is pissed as hell, & is taking it out on me.

For heaven’s sake, it’s only humor sure to make you laugh like hell.

I’m constantly doing an “Omm” meditation, or something similar. Whenever surprised, disappointed, frustrated, I’m forever muttering, “Ohhhmmmy god . . . .”

How about that—God failing to show up on ARMAGEDDON DAY, December 12, 2012! Then again, if I’d created this mess, I’d be afraid to show my face, too.

St. Peter, while conducting an admission interview at the Pearly Gates, asks the Catholic applicant if he had a happy life.

He assures Peter that, “Yes, I did. I had a very happy life.”

“Then go to Hell,” says Peter, “for to have had a happy life, you would have had to live counter to the Catholic dogma.”

If an afterlife does exist & if it’s as monotonously boring as depicted in the scriptures, it’s understandable why many Christians believe in reincarnation. Heaven presents somewhat of a dilemma—where does one go who dies of boredom while in Heaven?

All right, all right, there are times when I cry out to god—when experiencing excruciating pain or having an orgasm.

The reason most of the world doesn’t hear from The Creator any more is because s/he/it lost her/his/its license to operate after creating the debacle called “humanity.”

God, upon being asked about The Big Bang, nonchalantly quips, “Oh, it was nothing!”

Where does a self-made man go to meet his maker?

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